Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All the doctor said was why
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
