i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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