my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
