I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize