all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
