drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
