I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Enjoy the penises
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
