11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
