I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
