Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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