I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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