Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We don't watch enough power rangers
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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