Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
did you just send me my own nude
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
