I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
