Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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