Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this boner is exhausting
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
