it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize