We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
