This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
