i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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