last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
