drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just pee around me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
