She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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