I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
