I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
