So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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