All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
