Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
