I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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