Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
