come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
