I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
