Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the day after is always just damage control
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
