Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
