I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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