turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
