Just cropdusted the office
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
