why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
