I accidentally had phone sex last night
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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