Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
