I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Found the puke drawer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
