I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
