there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
