break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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