There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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