No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize