I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
