Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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