Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
