batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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