Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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