i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
