that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
