I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
