It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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