Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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