So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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