I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
