Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
