I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
