Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
