Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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