thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
