last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
