I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
