I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
