ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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