Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
